So let me say this first. I'm making a new journal. There's a dozen reasons, one major one is that this character, Sarune, as first seen on My Little Pony: End of the Dream, is no longer used.

I left EoD, and threw Sarune to the adoptions.

So I'm changing names.

Now I add my last journal entry, from the last time I hope to ever mention this person I knew.

A month back Jeff left me. My best friend, my pseudo brother, the person I talked to, and wanted to talk to, more than I did my own boyfriend. He was like the older brother I always wanted. He also made a promise to me, to never love me like a woman, but as a sister.

A promise broke eventually led to things ruining the last close friendship, the last time I will trust for a long while.

I lost trust in people, and faith in society, trust in lovers, friends, family...

In the end, everyone just fucks you over, forgets things, leaves things behind, changes things, says things they never do, or offers up sweet nothings for you to savor.

In the end, you forget what it's like to trust, and you think you love someone, but you know you can't, because you can't trust them.

Sell yourself short for something, knowing you'll never get the full picture because you have no faith in the image being shown.

Anyway, if you want my new name, you'll probably get it when I post in your journal making a random comment. You'll know it's me, most people do. Somehow I'm just recognizable like that.

I may sound emo, but I'm just tired of being let down. So why bother, anymore, I won't be hurt if I just stop caring.

Call me angsty. Call me emo. Call me a fucking insane bitch who has serious anger issues. I don't care what you call me.

I'm angry and I'm gonna vent here. Venting to Tyler is like yelling INTO the wind and then a 80 MPH gust slaps you in the face when there was no blow back.

Occasionally little ol' me needs to vent or I will end up doing something stupid. It happens. April gets angry, April wants revenge. Okay, no more third person. Either way, I'm known for my quick-temper and I suppose even my pride. I'm not easily hurt, but I can be if I care about someone and they take a shard of glass out to stab me with it.

I had a boyfriend, and not Tyler mind you. He was serious, or so I thought. Said "I love you" after what, 12 days?! At 10 days he gave me a necklace--admittedly Valentine's day present but, seriously. You guys only do that either if A. you're serious, B. you are sending a present after you've fucked her (and only if you're like, uber rich xP), or C. you WANTING to fuck her.

To answer any questions, no, I did not fuck him. Moving on.

Then he says I love you. A couple days later he sends a text in the middle of the night about that he will marry me. Doesn't that, you know, SIGNIFY he wants a serious relationship? He's even acting clingy at the beginning so I get a little clingy. Not the clingy where I talk about marriage, I just want to spend time with him. I ain' got anyone else, y'know?

So the weeks go by and he starts seeing me less and less. Eventually he breaks up with me over a text saying I'm immature and clingy. Immature I'll kinda go with. He had some points, but he wasn't entirely right. Clingy? His fault. Don't FUCKING tell the girl you love her, want to marry her, and yet expect her NOT to be fucking clingy.

So then I'm trying to talk to Tyler--who knows just about everything, if he reads this he WILL know everything--about just that I'm upset. It's been less than a week and he's like "Oh you need to get over it blah blah blah" so much babbling "I know" shit when he doesn't KNOW what it's like to have your pride shot, like a gun to the chest. Add on anger like I have after being hurt a load of times, and you end up with one pissy fucking bitch who's just trying NOT to destroy her ex's car.

So, I come back to the friends I know. Daryl's graduated today, and...yeah, 'course, still professing his love for me. Sweet, adorable, he's got a spot in my heart. But unless I suddenly feel like running away, ain' gonna happen. Tyler has been so damning pathetic and emo I let him back in. Mistaaakkee!

Jeff, I ain' even gonna go there. Prolly the only person who I let slap me in the head and say "CHILL!". To my knowledge he hasn't actually DONE it that way but you get the idea, yes?

Either way. On occasion, I need to vent. Anyone got any good tips on how to, and how to restore my pride?

music: CellDweller

Yep. I made the list. THE list. The list that will shape part of my life for the next five years.

Damn time I made this list. Yo'. Anyway, moving on. This is my list.

Stuff for 2k7
[ ] SEE LYLA AND SAM IN NYC. I must. If this year, I MUST. I owe Lyla that. :3
[ ] Complete character sheets, or references, of all my current characters. April Kay, Atticara Tetahna, Nauticah from GaiaOnline, Norah Tulzan (!!), Flaithrí (Flurry) Mochrie, Celebriän Aldaríon, and most of the cast I play at EoD except for Cezar and I figure Chardonnay. Charna Coldwaters from PJ would also be nice.
[x] Draw Vogelgeist. I forgot to put this on the list of things to do. Oh Em Gee, I did it.
[ ] Dye *PART* of my hair some wacky color. Wee!
[ ] Sew something MYSELF (plushie, skirt, whatever)
[ ] Finish the Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic starring Norah Tulzan; Spellbound.
[ ] Write a short story about anything that is NON FANFIC.
[ ] Play DnD and actually get somewhat educated on it. :3
[ ] Start my own web comic, possibly either Star Wars or Pokémon, or Gaia. Or something entirely original.
[ ] Be brave enough to go swimming. O.O
[ ] Summertime = hemp. Make hemp necklaces. Lots of them.
[ ] Somehow make my own collar as well.
[ ] Design a unique anime-like character and start a new story. I'm better at writing than art anyway.
[ ] Try out for a play, even if I know I'm going to fail and never get the part.

Oh the years how they pass by...
[ ] Learn Japanese, and thusly so, visit Tokyo.
[ ] Backpacking in Europe, baby!
[ ] Made my own cosplay outfit for Otakon. Also, DO MY OWN DAMN WIG.
[ ] Customize a MLP.
[ ] Learn Flash, or do some type of animation. Preferably with April Kay or Atticara Tetahna. Sexy bitches, I tell yeh.
[ ] Mentioning April Kay, FINISH OFF HER DAMN FICS. God, I need to write that Vogelgeist one.
[ ] Find a hobby aside from writing and art I enjoy.
[ ] Write a play or a screenplay.
[ ] Finish my degree. Whoot.

I'll add things as I think of them.

It's a short and quick message, there's no way to add any more to that. Things came to an end for now, and I regret such happening, but it's been a long time coming anyway.

I broke up with Tyler.

As of last night.

And no, I don't need any "aww" or anything like that. It just happened.

...wow I'm a demented little bitch.

ANYWAY! Ashley, Tyler's psycho, creepy, weird, bi-polar and doesn't give a damn, and overly bitch-of-a-sis is about to pop her baby.

-.-' Poor Emma. Poor Tyler's mom who's prolly' gonna have to take care of Emma.

-.- I haven't even MET his sister yet and already I don't like her. I like her less than I like Dennis' ex. THAT IS SOMETHING.

...and his ex attacked my LJ a few times, too. Crazy cunt bitch...

... Well she was!! If you seen the posts, you'd understand! Gah!

So now I head off to bed only being able to talk to Jeff-sama, my brother-from-another-mother. No, not THAT one, not the actual HALF-brother (I wish!), just... Some guy who's like a big bro to me. ^^

mood: annoyed